And He Saw

Mesolithic hunters used highly sppecialised equipment 
for hunting different prey - here a tribal elder directs. 

Re-enactment. Note the female hunters in the background 
as modern archaeological evidence suggests mutiple 
gender roles and more than a binary. 

It's raining again. The damp patches are slowly, everso slowly, drying out - the water slowly working its way out of the wall and continuing to move through my wall. My roofer? I arranged a visit for 1730 on Saturday, he rang me at 1600 to say he was at my house but I was driving a bus and could not answer. He left no message. I rang back, when off work, at 1700, to find he was an hour away - he'd try to fit me in around 1830 or, was I in next week? Eventually, after I rang again at 1850, he said he would do what he could to get out to me in the next fortnight. Great.

Driving has mostly been fine. I got a decent amount of sleep last night after an, apparently, judicious application of the little things and thence going straight to sleep out of boredom as much as anything else. My Aunt was in contact and we chatted for a bit - her being amazed by the length of my hair in a picture I sent. To be fair, she hasn't seen me since July 2021, maybe possibly seeing my profile picture on the Book of Faces, so that scans. Tonight I spent money I did not intend to spend on take out as I forgot to take out the chicken drumsticks from the freezer this morning. Oh well, I had some left over cash (yes, actual cash) that has covered that.

No modern 'hunter gatherer' societies have words 
analogous to 'work' in their languages - and archaeological
evidence suggests 'things that needed to be done' in
mesolithic societies were done as play with children
fully involved. This recreation imagines turning animal
gut into thread as a game for children.

Plans have been made to see Abbi soon, which is good. Plans to go away are less developed, but Thursday morning may be utilised to seek out a blouse or else get my nails touched up. I dunno. Both are expensive. It depends whether or not I wish to make 16 days into 23 or not. I could, of course, interrupt it and start again. We'll see.

What if my Prehistoric setting was connected to the plotline of Reality/Shifts and thence onward, given the multiple reality underpinning of that, to my Socialist Britain guff and my rewrite of the appalling werewolf fiction from way back when? It could be done. I may even actually get round to writing it. Seer of the End could very easily be Anastasia Cable could very easily, by dint of being named exactly the same, the hunter and Knight Errant. Moon Dancer, the unnamed escapee in Socialist Britain (pursued by Fabius Denning) and Pete could easily be the same person also. Each split across multiple realities but united by one plotline - one that actually, in all honesty, makes a bit more sense with a fuller suite of realities to inhabit. Moon Dancer, Mona Laikaz, has changed a fair bit since their incarnations originally - certainly Pete would need some serious monkeying with. Maybe... I don't know, I should have to write it rather than zoning out to YouTube. I haven't even done any painting in the build up to BOYL, so... much as the idea entices, I suspect it is just as far away as ever it was.

A face wreathed in feather and flame...

Had a shower and washed my hair, letting it dry overnight, on Friday. On Saturday my hair... I liked how it looked, how it felt,, how it felt - how the shorter cut of an abandoned fringe caused it to fall down the left of my face. Now... Now it is a bit less frizzy and light, my usual lankness returned, the hair no longer falling but heavily draping and growing less fun. I did not manage a selfie. Middlest over on Tuesday, Monday is a long day, eleven hour shift. Laundry needs to be done before I go to BOYL, to allow me to pack. I need to program a way to set out my shifts - to know roughly when I am free and not.

Consistent Comparison

Yesterday I fancied some charity shop diving, but I may have over-anticipated doing it because when I went I found nothing of interest. I was on the look out for nice blouses, seen plenty of people wearing gorgeous ones on the buses of late, but no one seems to be donating. Yellow, if you must know, was my first choice or OG Brownie brown. I wandered around a frozen food store in the end, seeing nothing I could justify buying. The exam board sent me more papers to mark, which was nice of them, and I have completed that this evening after the Youngest was over. I dozed to him watching some youtube after he wanted to do some weeding, painting a couple of strokes of green on an ork, and a game or two of 2001. He won't play cars here any more. He broke a car a while back, and I confiscated some expensive cars (one of which he had damaged), and now he refuses to play with any of them. Did I mention I suck at being a parent?

On the left was immediately upon the powercut and me 
deciding on an early night. The right shows the situation 
today, nearly a week hence. 

You see my concern. 

Middlest was over, he beat me at chess in a hard fought game and was reasonably pleased with himself. I showed him some Clarissa and he accepted it. I had a marathon on Sunday and it was... yeah, I clearly watched it a lot and gained much of my everything from it. I think it holds up remarkably well. But I would say that because, even now, MJH gives me humongous gender envy - as in: I wish I had her style options as Clarissa as a child. Or even now, to be honest. Like I said on Sunday: the watch, the dresses, the t-shirts, the colours... Anyway, it was cut short by a power cut and then... then I found a new leak. I have no idea where the water is getting in but it's coming out of the brickwork in my bedroom - I suspect my guttering (it was dripping in odd places) but who knows really? I have a roofer, the ones that did my bathroom aren't answering my calls, coming over on Saturday.

And here's the 'style' choice today -
the sweater has a highish collar, perfect
for a visit from Tilly and Youngest...

Nothing about the accident I had. It's been four weeks. I even had an appraisal and nothing was said. I guess it wasn't my fault or something? Who knows. I move on. This week, despite being far fewer hours (and being paid an extra four hours on Monday for time I wasn't actually working), I am more knackered. Monday was nice though, got my piercings checked out and they're fine. I can start wearing costume earrings soon, I suspect. If I can work out how. I am dense, I know. I also bought a graphic novella (Rivers of London latest one) and some more lesbian herbal fruit tea from Bird and Blend.

I am looking forward to BOYL again this year, less than a week away now, and anticipating painting terrain in an effort to help (help as in how an overenthusiastic five year old 'helps') on the Thursday evening - which will be nice! I also hope to take some proper beer (I think I am alone in my appreciation of heavy stouts) and to play a more active role from the get go this time, having some disposable income I have ring-fenced as 'holiday funds'.

Tomorrow I have three extra hours to work, which is good for pay but I am mindful of how tired I am.. I am also working abouot an hour less than I am being paid on Saturday. It's been a relatively light week, but I am much more tired this week than I was last, despite working 25 hours less! No idea.

Either We All Go Home...

Recently I watched a retrospective on Sabrina the Teenage Witch - the TV show, I'm not Statesian so Archie comics means nothing to me - and it...

No, no 90s stylings here, just a selfie because 
I liked my outfit. First time pairing this blouse 
with my favourite dress (which I have two of). 

Dig around on here enough and you'll find me mooning over what I term '90s fashion' but without any real thought about where that came from besides some minor thoughts that maybe it was from girls I saw at school. And, well, yes. But, and this is important, the retrospective had a clip from Clarissa Explains it All and, suddenly, it clicked into place. The female-centric show, the "Hi, Sam" and the clothing. I never had a crush on Melissa Joan Hart but I do recall being enamoured in some way because watching this show, and later Sabrina, was a guilty pleasure of mine. Turns out it was on CBBC and thus in my wheelhouse, for most of the time I was at secondary school. MJH wears big watches, colourful tights, dusters, etc - all the things that I have previously talked about and... yeah. My half-formed (and very fragile) feminism of the time probably also stems from those programmes too - the idea of sisterhood, of good male allyship being respectfully silent when women were talking rather than inserting themselves into the narrative, of men not always wanted to get in women's pants (Harvey and Sam both, even if Harvey eventually did in Sabrina, it was long after I stopped watching it). I had seen a couple of DVDs of Clarissa for sale in a cafe a few weeks ago and so, obviously, I went out and bought them. I was going to watch them today, but I haven't yet. They exist at the moment in a superposition of excitement and dread. I barely remember it, the ladder "Hi, Sam" guitar sting aside... I don't know what I'm going to find here. Bit like all my old school stuff I guess.

Would a matriarchy have 'great women inventors' or not? If history had been less patriarchal would there even be a 'Great Man' theory of history? The sisterhood concept of early Sabrina suggests maybe... not? Language would be very different indeed, riffing on concepts from Native Tongue that I read in 2021-2, for example and many different things woukd take forefront in the development of parlance and patois. This blog would have fewer first person references, that's for certain.

Oh goodness: the watch, the dresses...

You ought to recognise this path by now,
it has accompanied so many of my selfies
it is practically a cast member.

Hair is very frizzy.

This morning I took my electric razor to my legs - the hair was bad, really bad. Thick and dark and black and it gummed up my bath plug. Way more than even I thought there was. My legs are far from smooth or even mostly clear of hair, but goodness it feels nice to be able to 'risk' not wearing tights again. In the build up to BOYL it's made me realise that I do appreciate the freedom to wear skirts and dresses rather than jeans. I did last year, of course, and loved it but... well, this year I may lean more toward dresses than skirts. Structural determinants suggest that collars and blouses may have to be more heavily utilised than t-shirts, at least for a bit, and so dresses work better with that aesthetic than do skirts. With some actual disposable income lying around as well, my power company refunded me £60 for some reason for example (they've sent me some accounting info to say why but I really don't think I paid that £60 in, still - their info says I did so... okay then), I am seriously thinking about maybe buying my own models for to paint. So far so good, they can fit into the slivers of time I have off work and I can still watch youtube videos but be active whilst doing so. But what would I collect? Tyranids? Not orcs, or Orkz... The Imperium of Man feels a bit, well, on the nose. Adeptus Sororitas? A bit 80s punk Jem aesthetic, not really me. I dunno.

Adding honey to herbal tea brewing? That's my advice from this last week. Along with my stupidity: I shan't work overtime beyond a 10 hour extra shift, says I to myself, and then I end up working 65 hours (22 hours over my timetabled hours, in case you were wondering) anyway.

Right, best go watch some Clarissa Explains It All.

With a Geordie Accent

Remember when this was post-edit by 
FaceApp? I do. 

Now entitled, I guess, 'During'. 

Day 486 að vera stelpa

Not intending to make a big post today. My initial bite is healed (mostly) and the infection sorta kinda dealt with. That other bite? That's got a big blister. Nurses suggested 'keeping an eye on it for 48 hours' as I'd had four courses of antibiotics already (wait, what? Oh, you mean including three last year? But one of those was because it wasn't dealt with quickly enough - oh, I see, you're not fully listening as you acknowledge this and repeat the figure, fine).

Day 6 nozenia obrozy

Went on a wander with Tilly and Youngest - but it appears to me that Tilly was more interested in chatting, fine, but Smallest noted and was not impressed. He pushed me aside (sometimes physically) to demand attention from Tilly and then got very upset that I was not stopping with him at home at the end of the walk. Bought in some sushi from Aldi and had that as my main meal. Extra hours again today, shift shenanigans aplenty mean I'm being paid 13.5 hours for Saturday and getting a three hour break in the middle of it, but working until midnight. Also, shift tomorrow has been moved (from an 0519 start to an 1100 start), so I rearranged an appointment to check my piercings out until Monday afternoon. I'm being paid 10.5 hours that day (Monday), but only working 0450 to 1126. I'll take that. Today's shift was also a change from billed hours.

Day 19 ханцуйвч зүүсэн

What does one do with time off? Weather is changeable and it's not been long enough to go for long walks with an eye for 'cottagecore' like photos. It's that time of the year when I have been conditioned to think of things as being 'holidays' but my week off... well, it didn't net the pay I assumed (still good, but less than anticipated) and I didn't really do anything with it. Well, I mean, I saw people. It was good, I really needed it, but my autistic brain likes more time to just do nowt before it can kick into gear and enjoy things - hence why I liked being in education, those six weeks were long enough to... well, relax. Without regular weekends I can't even have beers. I sound like I am complaining, I'm not really, I'm just enumerating.

Day 834 in the big brutha hoose

Let's Take a Moment

Not sure what got me thinking about it, but I have been contemplating where I am and how far I've come. Since a post I made, way back when, on what I saw in the mirror things have... well, changed quite drastically (a fact thrown into sharp relief when I got a call from a mortgage broker - I'd used them to arrange a mortgage on my house before I had my house, sometime back in 2020, and they said they'd call, well, now - and I haven't contacted them in the meantime so...).

The name I've always used on this blog (well, not the surname) is now my actual legal name - and I answer to it readily. When people say 'Joanne' or 'Jo' I find myself turning as well, even if these people are not known to me. I never did that in the before-times - as Tim can attest, at his wedding people had to yell a character name at me to get me to realise they were attempting to gain my attention!

Clothing is something I actively choose. On any given day I wear different outfits, mixing and matching, rather than utilitarian choices of a t-shirt and jeans with maybe a jacket for good measure. Like, I wore the gratitude dress on Wednesday, broomstick skirt, pink t-shirt and denim jacket on Thursday, black jeans and Metroid t-shirt Friday, sparkly long-sleeve top and baggy blue jeans Saturday, dungaree dress and Metroid t-shirt Sunday and another blue dress today after work (work clothes don't count).  And, you know, I like what I am wearing. Sometimes I think I even look not terrible.

In the mirror I see me, a reflection of me, but me. I'm there, right there, staring back. Now and again, I actually smile. When I'm shaving in a morning or applying foundation and blusher, I actually see me doing it. And, well, the foundation and the blusher and the shaving - they help my face look, well, not like it'll scare small children. Can't claim I look good but I no longer look like a badly kempt homeless person with murder on their mind. Plus, and this is important, I actually look in the mirror on occasion.

When dreaming, mostly in colour these days, I am back in there. I dream about myself, which is... well, now I recall doing that as a child (the stuff from my Mum helps, the stuff from primary school that I made and she kept). It had been so long that I had forgotten that I used to be in my dreams. I had forgotten that I dreamt in colour. Ruff has been returned, she and Callie get on well, I think that helps too - having them in bed and just... I can't really explain it, but it is positive. Who knew all I needed to help my sleep was a couple of teddies?

Not getting ahead of myself, I'm still lonely and doubt very much I shall have the kind of fun that some friends have on a regular basis at any point (someone I know has had more partners over the last couple of years than I've had in my life, for example), and that's still a dull ache but... yeah. I wear make-up now, I choose my clothes and enjoy them, I see myself in mirrors and I dream in colour. Stay magical, says the unicorn.

ADDENDUM: Oh. Speaking of changes *coughs* February 2022...

Reviewing a Week

It's really good. I'm looking forward to the 
new season. I see why they didn't focus on 
Anathema very much - I wonder if they'll bother 
with a sub-plot at all in the next season... 

Tennant and Sheen were a delight on screen. 

My week off draws to a close. I have a shift on Monday, extra of course, starting at 0300 because I am verifiably insane. But, having said that, what a lovely time off: first my Mum and... well, everything. And then I saw Five, which was... well, I'll get to that. Following that was a fantastic day round Abbi's - we ended up having a lovely beer, watching all of Good Omens and I enjoyed having her explain her latest joyous things to me via the medium of books she had made. This was the spiritual successor to my Mum coming to visit in that I felt... filled? I often use the term 'restorative' and it works here.

Then I met up with some people I know from Chams for a meal - one of them had got in contact over Instagram and invited me out to join others for a meal before the most recent Chams meeting, and so I chanced it and went, after much prevarication and with no small amount of stress. And... it was nice. I was woefully underdressed, my insect bite being infected and thus causing my left leg to go all purple and blotchy will do that. I ended up wearing my broomstick skirt and denim jacket combo, which I like but is hardly dressy. At the meal the inviter pointed out, in a friendly way, that my 'everyday make-up' and 'everyday outfit' was a hallmark of going 'full-time' and a very different kettle of fish to people that can't express all the time or, in some cases, don't wish to. They weren't wrong. I even managed to make Chams but, in order to deal with rising social anxiety, I ended up chatting forcefully to a Unitarian minister about religion, which battles were worth having in aid of trans-rights and swapping notes on 'going all the way'. I only had a brief interaction with Izzy, which was a shame as face-to-face trumps online, and an even briefer one with Lynn. I could have done with... I ought to have made more of an effort to have proper chats.

Here's the board at the end of the game. I was playing black
(the see-through ones). See if you can spot what Middlest did
because I didn't.

Morning had been spent with my Youngest, who beat me at chess (though Middlest saw the set up at the end of the game last night and showed me it wasn't checkmate after all), and did some weeding because, apparently, that's an activity I have set up with him that he sees as being something we do together. Yesterday evening was Middlest coming over, which went well (though I struggled to cook chicken drumsticks and chips properly), and then today we went to the Big Smoke together - he picked up some comic books and I mooned after some others.

Marking? Oh, yes, I've done rather a lot of that. Finished all my contracts in plenty of time and done almost 400 extras. Hopefully that will pay for some of the expensive stuff I've done - Five and I split a meal for the first time ever for example - and... yeah. Also, and this is important, Gary and Shiona were in touch and that was nice. Like, I really felt it.

Middlest and I went and got some Miniatures of the Month
from the Warhammer shop. He got (and has now painted) a
Saurus Guard (Lizardman Warrior to me) and I got a new
Termagant. I have not painted it yet - Middlest was using
the stool to mount a TV so he could watch youtube whilst
painting.

The day with Five? It was... hmm. She said she had a lot to tell me but wanted to wait until we were eating, so I waited and when we ate I asked what I thought were open-ended pertinent questions: she said a few things, slowly stopped and then we finished the meal in near silence. Then it was dashing through rain to ick up her boy, more rain, then she went to sort out and texted me from the toilet to say she wasn't feeling so good and we'd meet again some other time. So I left. She had, earlier, mentioned ddlg (don't worry if you don't know) and I raised abdl, to which she responded "Ugh, that's just disgusting." Ah. Suffice to say, I did not reveal too much about myself thereafter. Whatever it was that we had, I suspect it may well have run its course now.

I still haven't repaired the shed roof. I probably ought to look into that. Maybe bite the bullet and buy a hammer (I appear to have mislaid mine - the original being gifted to Tilly when I left). Next day off is 26 July and then, after that, it's the day I leave for BOYL with Gary, Tim, Andrew and Tim's brother. I may be looking forward to that just a little bit. It's been a lovely time off, I think I really needed it. Hopefully the antibiotics will deal with the infected insect bite (got just under three days left of that to go, hopefully I shan't need a second bash like last year) and I shall actually manage to wake up in time to start at 0300 on Monday. Early nights tonight and tomorrow!

Torquem manacle aequet (sic)

After dropping my Mum off for her train 
and wandering home via the canal today. 

I am loving the length of my hair. 

Latin, always the refuge of a scoundrel. Alea iacta est. It's been a bit of a while since I blogged and there are precisely a few reasons for this remarkable fact. Which, because I am so very much me, I shall enumerate:

b. I have been very busy.

Part of this has been down to driving buses and part of it has been down to the annual visit to the marking mines of Mordor. All of it is down to my inability to make sensible decisions when faced with the opportunity of doing more in increments leading to the concept of 'extra' income. That is, money coming in that exceeds my budgeting requirements. Invariably, I shall spend this in advance. And this year is no exception:

Ω. Buying the things I mentioned in my last post

x. Buying in food for lunches that is pre-made and thus more expensive and less fulfilling than homemade food

😊. Days out

So it is that I worked around 65 hours, at approximately £8.95 after tax per hour, two weeks back and I've just completed another week of 57 hours, which will clock in just above £9 per hour after tax (I think) on buses and then doing extra marking on my marking contracts. This works out at approximately £3.95 per script on one contract and £1.60 per response on the other after tax. My days off were on days when I had examination meetings (paid handsomely) or I worked an extra shift and my spare time was spent marking. Because I'm an idiot.

I went and got my nails did on Saturday and
found I can probably get them done on a break
at work in future. Good to know.

£38 though. Eek.

This had two effects:

VI: I have some extra money

♣: I had an accident

The latter was annoying, so I shan't go into details beyond the fact that I took the front of a car clean off with a section of my bus that ought not to be able to do that. This may, or may not, mean it wasn't my fault. This is yet to be determined. Taking eleven days off, as I have and when I have, means I shan't be able to work that out with any certainty for a while yet. However, in the meantime, I have donned my new items (got a heat spot on my collar bone on Friday though) and managed to see Abbi by dropping by on Friday evening. I got my nails done, at last, meaning I can type again without it looking like I'm doing it drunk. Then my Mum was over, she lost her luggage, for a lovely couple of days - I got some new shoes (yay) that ripped my heel to shreds (boo) and had some lovely meals out. Also, new lesbian herbal tea (a repeat of the strawberry lemonade, which is fantastic, and some lemon sherbet, which is nice but smells far better than it tastes - I shall mix the two together next time). I also introduced her to Death of Stalin which, amazingly, went down really rather well. I'm a fan, because it is Ianucci and Soviet history (the latter heavily mixed up and lacking accuracy, but a Yorkshire-accented Zhukov played by Isaacs covers a multitude of sins, as does having Palin as Molotov). An insect bite, likely a horsefly bite again, that I got sometime before my last post has flared up again having been relatively innocuous and that's... annoyingly itchy at present. Wearing an above-the-knee skirt at work has obviously been more helpful than I realised and my slightly below the knee dress today has been irritating it.

I rediscovered this again today, and it holds
up really well. Along with a realisation about
why I liked it so much (I identified with the
feminine aspects, duh).

Tomorrow I'm seeing Five, who has literally just been in contact to plead poverty (she went on a big holiday a couple of weeks back and has just had to pay it off), and then the day after I see Abbi - maybe with beers. Well, I already got some in for her and Alex, so there will be beer, I may or may not manage to make it to a place of semi-public beers. Or we'll watch Good Omens - honestly, either counts as a win. Hell, we may just sit inside and bounce enthusiastically at one another and that's also a win.

I did scare off Miss Warrington, yes She was actually in contact, by mentioning my sacking. One day I shall learn how to be mysterious rather than open (this blog stands as testament to my general inability to not over-share). I am now enjoying an actual alcoholic drink - after losing my card for my last opportunity - of berry flavoured gin with tonic. *click* Noice. <insert animated gif of Michael Rosen here> Also, I have paid for my upcoming holiday with wargaming and my oldest (meant warmly) friends as it came in well below what I had budgeted - hurrah! I am ridiculously excited about it and, and, I may have extra money to spend there to buy some miniatures to paint in my potential leisure time once I finish my marking. And, no, I shan't give into the siren call of extras this August. Once I meet my final contracted span (34 scripts to go as of writing) I shall simply... stop. I've marked enugh extra now that I shall have some 'bunce' over what I have budgeted or already spent so that will do for a change.

My final note: I spent two days with my Mum and I wore my favourite dresses and it was lovely. Mum referred to me as her daughter; two people told my Mum, unbidden, that I was their favourite bus driver (amazing who recognises you as you travel about places) and... well, yeah. That's good enough, right?

Finishing with a photo of me curtseying is
unlikely to get old quickly...