Stuff and Nonsense

It's been a busy time. And it continues to be so.

Some housekeeping:

Maybe a tad over made up for a morning visit to 
a coffee shop of a Bank Holiday. Can you even tell 
that I had a hair trim? I suspect not. 

I missed Chams last week, more's the pity, and didn't really earn the money to make that make as much sense as it did in my head. My 'gal-pal' visit has been postponed as she, Barbara we shall call her, has been hit with something (I think it's a hard to predict period, but she was sufficiently coy that I don't know). I have chased some outstanding payments from my examining work and discovered that they have changed my name back to my old name which is... frustrating to say the least. I have been a bit angry at people therefore today.

Yesterday I met up with someone from Chams for a coffee and had a reasonably good conversation over tea in a local nature reserve. It was nice. I, of course, worried about making the transition twixt acquaintance and friend and how to do it - I never know when we've moved from small-talk to proper-talk, for example; nor when I should be listening and responding and when not. My companion, by the way, seemed unperturbed. So... maybe I was doing things right? No real clue. Point? It was nice to get out and be a bit social, even if I were flailing the whole time.

Evidence, if t'were needed, that I overdid the lipstick at least.

Doing a lot of night shifts (8 in a row) has rather taken it out of me, truth be told, and so I have been feeling a bit worn out and down. Irrationally so, I know. I worry about making a mistake and getting sacked - I can't imagine why - and my budgeting compensates by becoming more limiting and more accepting of eke-ing out survival rather than trying to live. It's a flaw of which I am well aware. With the rest of my family off on holiday and having fun... it compounds things a bit. This time last year, for example, I combatted the sadness by nipping up to see my Mum and have a bit of a good time of my own - now I no longer have a car nor the time, not even two days together off work let alone a weekend. Church was cancelled on Sunday too due to the lack of Vicar.

Been moaning about my finances too, which upsets my Mum on the phone, but it is something that is weighing on me a bit. Checked my hours today - I am missing some and not being paid for stepping up all the times I did - which, okay, it's £4.48 a shift (8 hours) but... it's not nothing. At least I have my P45 - I should probably get that printed out and sorted with my boss.

Not one of my better shots. Note the make-up bag I picked up
for a whole English pound.

None of which is what I wanted to post about. If you don't want any TMI, now is the time I warn you to look away and then commence with a line break!

Grateful Gains

Spent £2.99 on this from work (not on 
voucher) because whilst I have read Sense 
and Sensibility (whilst training to teach, because 
I felt it was a feminine book - in a Feminist sense - 
and thus something I ought to have read. Huh, 
seems I was reasonably close to cracking my egg in 
2002-3 then) I have never read this one. Also... the cover. 

After 51 hours last week, I'm looking at 49 this. I was given a lovely thank you card with £20 worth of vouchers in it by my boss yesterday for "working hard," "stepping up at short notice" and being "unphased by anything" (sic). But I mucked up my till today (£16.40 out, eesh). Last night my colleague was asking about my status and was shocked to discover that I had only been full-time since March and that I only figured me out last year - she assumed I was years in. She also asked my dead-name, seems to be a theme, but I did not say. A customer, drunk and alcoholic but a nice enough chap, was in, asked my preferred pronouns and then proceeded to use exclusively 'he/him' and referred to me as a "great bloke" - he knows a trans-woman, called her exclusively by her deadname, and... yeah, no idea what to do there.

Accidental theft - I took a loaf from the waste box, but it turns out it should have been returned to the bread company, whoops - and the till. I worry. Mind you, late shift (1400-2200) last night into an early this morning (0540-1500). I am... tired. Two coffees over those two days and long-time readers will know what that does to me. Oh, a late shift tomorrow means no Chams.

One of my friends at work (we shall call her Tia) was amazed to discover I had only had three relationships: "how are you not in one now?" she asked. My colleague last night, we shall call her Maria, said "You look really good as a woman, I imagine you had plenty of ladies as a man too!" My boss started a conversation about boob sizes (a short one) about how she wants bigger ones (hers are As) and it was the sort of conversation I've heard women having in the past (it was a continuation of one I've overheard twxit her, Tia and others before).

Sato-Rare-Po-Te-Neto-Pera-Rotas

Ego, ut Galli, bracas deposuero, latum clavum sumpero.

I looked to find something reasonably
based on historical evidence and not
wish fulfilment. The more I looked, the
more I realised that the two are alarmingly
close together for me.

Oh, ancient celt warrior: ban-geisgedaig.

Noticed that I am not so much living my dream, if this makes sense. I mean, I do not appear to be living as the woman I dreamed of being: I am apparently oddly girly in ways I would not have considered. I always assumed I would be a bit of a tomboy, never considered wearing make-up or nail varnish, for example. I have avoided pots and weeding because of my nails being varnished - I gained compliments from customers and colleagues on my "immaculate and professional" nails. Two ladies today asked what the shade was and one of them asked where I'd had it done because she liked the colour. Is this normal? Is this because they have clocked me and are trying to be supportive?

Drohtin, uuerthe sô!

I am tired. I read part way through a story this morning and wish I hadn't. The ending improves things, but I got as far as 'skinned knee' and was affected a bit. Oh, here's the link: based on the idea that the main character is a daycare worker when the apocalypse is announced, looking after children and slowly realising that no one is coming to pick them up. I disliked the twist, but appreciated it when I finished reading it this evening.

New Rhythms

Comments on the blog, you know who you are; from friends online, you know who you are; and from friends, you know who you are, via my phone: they were very helpful. Thank you. Also, two e-mails. Very welcome ones too. Thank you Leslie and Susie, I needed to hear what you had to say - as always.

This may be my favourite photo ever of myself, 
and that field is getting... well, there's more in it. 

On the street on my way to work on Friday I got stopped by someone who knew my name and was very keen to talk to me - she wanted to say how positive I always am, how much I brightened her day and everyone else's when she came into the shop (oh, a customer!) and how much I reminded her of her ladies' sports team captain (who is a power-lifter). Turns out her power-lifter captain friend is also a trans-woman, the lady called her "someone like you," and, well, that was unexpected and random and nice.

I even managed to get to church on Sunday, as a result of shifting shifts, and that was nice. A photo from the day was shared with Jenny - whose style and general panache is just... well, chef's kiss emoji. She said that the colours really suited me. That... means a great deal. More than the mere words suggest!

On the phone, my father was supportive, still [redacted] so it was an odd conversation. Anyway, told him about the incidents on Tuesday and he responded that it was to be expected. Perhaps not all at once, but, he counselled, there will be more occasions like that. He means well, I know, it's hard for him to understand the impact - and, you know, maybe I could have just not told him (not his reaction, my thoughts after the fact). Spoke to my Mum last night too, and she was awash with masculine pronouns and using my old name - I did point it out this time, she apologised, then did it again. Again, means well, and perhaps there's something to the idea of this being an extinction burst.

Heilung's new album is out too!

Lots of extra shifts at the moment - one step up person off with stress (of being a step up) and another leaving because of the way good intentions have been abused (I have to say, some extremely passive aggressive nastiness in front of me to this person was noted yesterday and... well, that was not on at all) - so I end up catching the extras. For now, I can be helpful. It will not always be so. For now, I can take the huge amount of extra work. It will not always be so.

At work, a friend I have made has said she wants to invite me round, as a gal-pal (she's married) to watch Friendship is Witchcraft and geek out about CCM and having a Christian upbringing and books and Doctor Who. She wanted to check with me that inviting me wasn't going to be too weird (she hasn't invited me yet, just signalled that, after her holiday with her husband, she would like to). That was... strangely affirming and lovely.

Here's a composite of the two times I appeared in the background
of Gary's photos of excellent terrain. I haven't altered how they look
excepting insofar as to put them together and place a line down the
middle to make it easier to view. I have cropped some of the terrain (the
real star of the show) out.

I do this because I was really pleased by how the skirt and top went together
on the day, but had no photos of it. But, also, because I genuinely haven't
recoiled at parts of myself being in the background (or foreground)
of a photo.

Like, I didn't know I could not recoil at seeing parts of myself in a photo.

Seriously, this is a big deal for me.

I read Lynn's post about maps. I now want to draw one. I may well do so. We shall see. One advantage of my shop-girl status is that, once clocked off, I have nothing to worry about. That is, time off work is my time. Living only seven minutes' walk away means I get my time to me.

One big takeaway: on Tuesday (and after), hurt as I was, I did not doubt myself. I doubted my make-up game, my five o'clock shadow and my style choices but... Gary posted some excellent shots of the terrain we played with during our weekend away, I saw parts of myself in the background of some of those photos and... I did not recoil. I did not wince. I actually peered closer, and was pleased with what I saw. Orange nails, blue skirt, walking t-shirt. It didn't match. But... the parts I could see? Natural. Normal. Comfortable. I'm not used to that reaction to seeing myself in photos. Even parts of myself. I mean, I knew about the changes regarding selfies, but I control which I share. I control what I show and the pose and clothing. I knew about that photo with Shiona in February, but, again, I could control that. I was not ready to actually, well, like what I saw in unguarded photos.

Today, on my way to IKEA for free tea.

Middlest for tea tonight, best prepare for it!

Reality Bites

A quick entry.

Monday's trip to IKEA, unfiltered. 

Today there was a bit of a staffing emergency at work. Yesterday I went in to train to help open the shop - an extra 60p per hour if I do this (for the hours I work opening the shop) - because a shift leader is leaving for pastures new. I ended up working 12 hours (originally a 6 hour shift). Today, practising what I learned, the emergency kicked off. From 1000 I had to do it in anger, so to speak, and a 7 hour shift became 11 hours. In both cases I was at work for 0540.

I also had the opportunity to meet someone from Chams in civvies on Tuesday after work (itself a late finish). As I went out, I got laughed at by two blokes outside the pub opposite the end of my road. One of them chased after me, and made me stop, to apologise: "I didn't want you to be offended. It's fine if you believe- if you want- if you're doing- I think it's fine what you're doing. And, well, if you do- if you have do- if- will it get rid of your bear- your five o'clock shadow?" "Well, what's your name?" "And your old name?" "Best of luck." I mean... lovely. Within two minutes I was passing an argument in the street, some bloke yelling expletives at a woman in a house he'd clearly just left. "Ah, yeah, y'cunt! You're in the market for a bloke now, int ya? Like him!" he gestures at me, "Only sort of bloke you're gonna get, and he's clearly in the market for someone like you, y'cunt! Int ya, you faggoty fuck!" Charming. Fifteen minutes later I was passing a supermarket, some kids whispered (well, they thought they were whispering) about the "tranny in a dress". Thence a drunk man in the street laughed as he caught sight of me: "off on a date with a faggot, then, you tranny faggot?"

I was fucking shattered.
I do look a bit like a "useless tranny" I suppose.
I took the photo specifically to check, it was after
the first two incidents on Tuesday.

No idea what was going on there. Never had anyone so much as comment in my direction in public round my way til Tuesday. The meet up was fine, a chap in the pub opined to the barman that "she'll regret it if she only has a half of that; sorry, love, remember that when you come back for a full pint!" Which was nice after the journey there. No incidents on the way home, but I did stick to well lit paths with people just in case. Was it my pink coat? My denim skirt? Was my five o'clock shadow that visible? Maybe it was, I hadn't shaved nor touched up my foundation since 0600 that morning and it was 1850 I set off.

At work, two of my colleagues referred to me, in what they thought was out of my hearing, as he/him when offering praise of my hard work to colleagues. Though, in contrast, one of my new friends laughed uproariously when I told her about my beer blog: "I can't imagine you, of all people, having anything remotely laddish, Joanna! The very thought!" It was well-meant and, well, I'll take that as validation of a sort.

So, I missed some time with my elder children (still not allowed to see the youngest alone) scheduled for 1500+ and ended up with a brief time with them 1745-1950 - Middlest is stopping the night - to have pizza. I didn't get everything done at work that I should have got done, mucked up an order going out like a pillock and failed to scan the orders off - a bane of a morning for people that aren't me (I don't mind it) - so an added headache for someone tomorrow morning. Along with the chaotic mess of a back room with people trying to get an order out on the shelves with a body down and a shift manager (me) not quite firing on all cylinders. Some of my extra pay spent on a lunch I hadn't packed, as I had planned on being home for lunch, and then more on pizza for the bigs as, well, I hadn't been shopping like I had planned. Thus are my rewards already spent.

Mortgages continue their upward spiral. My Mum reminded me yesterday evening that no matter how much I enjoy my work it won't allow me to pay all my bills and still less have a car to come visit her or take the children places. Enjoying work, she advised, is poor substitute for being able to afford treats for children or go interesting places. Voice is deep and droning. I don't have a bust, nor can I even muster cleavage. Only so far bird seed will go, you know? And my Mum is right about pay. My fixed rate ends in March next year. That will likely destroy any budgeting.

Miss Warrington sent the results of my old classes. They are excellent. In advance of predictions. No vindication for me there, though, I left too long in the past now. Vindication of them being given someone other than me as a teacher. Indy's wife was in contact about maybe being ASD, but I was stressing at work like a twat and unable to offer the proper support she needed. Another friend is feeling down and stressed about various things and I have no idea how best to offer support despite wanting to. The words of my CBT therapist back in 2011: "You can't offer compassion to others if you can't be compassionate to yourself, it's just empty words and going through the motions otherwise." As I have never been terribly compassionate to myself... well, there you have it.

Feeling Lucky Punk

Gifted t-shirt, ridiculous dungaree dress 
and cycle shorts. Ready for a wander out 
to the shops on Saturday evening. 

I made it to Chams on my bike without any issues. Took 25 minutes. The heat meant that I was melting when I arrived and I was glad of the fact I was ridiculously early so that I could stand under the aircon for an hour! Turns out I didn't need to open up, nor bring the tea (I forgot milk), as Val was there at a reasonable time and had sensibly remembered everything required. I did wear my Gratitude dress and I did enjoy cycling there and back in it! The meeting also brought home just how lucky I am to live as myself all the time - and be accepted at work as myself (the 90-10 split has arrived though) - when others hadn't managed a full day or a full week (despite being out in this latter case) as themselves. It made me reassess just how lucky I am.

Took Middlest to our favourite local Vegan gaming cafe on Saturday as well in an unexpected explosion of largesse on my part. £20 all in (bus fare, cake, take-out tea for Middlest and a pair of cycle shorts for me - more on them later). I'm owed that, I worked out today, from my first week at work where I was not paid for three hours that I worked - something to sort out. I am also owed 8 hours over the next four weeks - I shall sort all this out at the same time. Anyway, he had a great time at the Nintendo club, laughing and smiling with people he knows over games for a good six hours. £20 is a small price to pay for the joy he gained! I even got to see Smallest after work yesterday, I cycled up and we went out to the park.

And sometimes you take a selfie and then
realise just how much of a paunch you have
so an attempt to show off a t-shirt becomes
a little bit more shaming. So, this is for reality
lest anyone think the curated version of my selfies
is all the time.

Also, no way on Earth I'm going out like this without
a dress or something over the top!!

The cycle shorts I got to wear beneath the dress I bought back in 2011, the skirt is scandalously short on my frame, and a dungaree dress effort I bought for £3.50 when getting some new work trousers a couple of weeks back (or last week? I lose track). I wore it out to go shopping in the heat and it seemed quite comfortable. Oh, yes, I also got gifted a Super Metroid t-shirt by someone at the cafe on Saturday because they reckoned it would fit me and it was too small for them. It does fit. I like it a lot, it is grey and has niche geek credentials. I would have loved to have worn it to the wargaming weekend with a skirt, but I'll take it now and keep it for next year. In my tidying this morning I also found the 'Dad joke loading' t-shirt my children bought me for Father's Day in 2021 to add to my collection. I have some decent FaceApp shots wearing that t-shirt, I want to see if I can recreate them without a gender filter!

Got asked at work by a customer, after they'd studied me serving them for a good five minutes: "are you female?" I said yes. She, for it was a she, was unconvinced. "Oh," she said, "you don't look it." And the shift-manager of the day, who seems nice enough, started using he/him pronouns randomly and hasn't stopped since. It's... it's a thing I guess. My Mum was on the phone on Saturday too, telling me how she'd told some family members about me face-to-face: "and he's so much happier as he is," she proudly told me she'd told them, "I mean, he's lost his job and his house is a mess but he's really happy at the moment!" She also told me that my grandmother is using exclusively 'he/him' pronouns and referring to me as 'Peter' but far more frequently than she would otherwise use names. Also, that grandmother (the one with the gay grandfather) now believes that Tilly is amazing and wonderful - she sees herself in Tilly. Ah, I see what's happened here. On the other hand, wearing my raven-blue nail varnish, I was complimented by another female customer who said it suited me and then asked where I got it so she could get some. I'll take that hit, I will!

Refreshing Little Lifts

Cheeky sofa selfie as I haven't remembered 
to take any photos today on my travels thus 
far.

My shifts are in for the next four weeks - and I have a lot of hours. I am not complaining. Also, I have been asked if I would train to 'step up' - that is close the shop or just run a shift for an hour or so every now and again - which is, well, it's a refreshing little lift is what it is! It's like a promotion but entirely in my own head and some extra dosh here and there. Small amounts, sure, but being told that I am "very keen" and "a quick learner" by my boss was really quite nice. I shall happily take that praise. And the extra hours and small amounts of extra pay. Will it be enough for the job to pay the bills? Well, not quite, and there are no guarantees about the regularity of hours or extra money anyway. But it may help at any rate.

Still, the confidence boost was lovely.

I also bought some trainer socks last night - I noticed that I was getting through my ten pairs awfully quickly (what, with the hot weather and work) and so I went out and purchased seven more pairs for £3.50 - they are fruit themed and, well, I might love them a bit. Yes, I did hug them this morning when getting dressed, what of it? I wore a pair today to walk out to IKEA for my free tea (it's a free day, got precious few of those coming up - again, not complaining) and booked my bike in to deal with the slight buckle - they'll charge £10 at Halford's and I have a tenner spare from my lovely weekend away, so that's all already paid for really. Another brace of refreshing little lifts.

Also, the colours of the socks: blues, pinks, yellows and oranges - why do such simple things delight me so?

Hadn't realised that I hadn't posted a photo of the bike
on here! Here it is!

Look at the dropped crossbar, the rack at the back, the
massive mudguards! It was a dream of mine to have a
bike like this (a girl's bike) as a child.

And, well, I have one. It is a girl's bike. Mine.
I'm the girl whose bike it is.

The plasterer was round too, filled in the hole in the wall where the damp-proofing people hoovered away the brick that had been... well, destroyed by the damp I guess. He's done a decent job, obviously not replacing the brick (that would be the best job, I know) but filling in the hole and cementing the missing parts. When he comes back on Saturday he'll plaster it all up again and the wall will look... well, like a wall again. I shall have to decorate in the future, no chance I'd be able to sell with that look for example, but that is a job for future me who has taken off the nail varnish (something I shall likely have to do tonight after washing the pots). Oh, yeah, I have bought a new potato masher. We had one, I took it when I moved out, Tilly asked for it back a year later and I acquiesced - I hadn't used it either - and now I have bought one. I am planning mashed potato with eggs and broccoli for tea tonight. So rock and roll. Not a Tic Tac in sight, but more refreshing little lifts.

One of the things given me by my friends on the weekend was a bottle of Rose wine - not specifically for me, no idea where it came from, but no one else wanted it and now I have it. I have had a couple of glasses already and there's maybe another glass left. It's been nice. Oh, a glass a night, not all at once! None today!

So, having just fallen asleep on my sofa for about half an hour, maybe it's time to get out and get the shopping in (I finish work tomorrow at 1300, then have my bike in at 1500, and am aiming to set off to Chams around 1800 - let's not throw shopping in as well!). Be a good test of what I can carry back in a rucksack on a bike I suppose. Even if my instincts are screaming to walk it instead...

Bring Out Your Lead

Busy little bees!

Here's the ride home. 

Friday I got the bike checked out so I could cycle down to see my Eldest do her show after the week's residential. Obviously I stress test it by doing 14km there and then 14km back at an hour a pop. It was a good show, glad I went early and took a packed lunch to eat (packed tea?). Then I cycled back sharpish as I was getting picked up for a weekend away (having missed the first day so that I could see Eldest dancing- which was brilliant by the way) by Gary. He was slightly earlier than planned, which meant he was waiting about twenty minutes for my wheezing frame to arrive, pack, forget a rucksack with spare shoes, chargers, hairbrush and various bits and bats. Gary drove me to the wargaming event, well, the cottage we'd booked to stay, and there was a good evening conversation with Tim and Andrew. It was late, conversation flowed well, same as old.

And here I am geeking out.
Both days I wore a skirt.

Indeed, there was lots of that. And... well, I always used to struggle a bit with that sort of conversation. My friends remain and have always been lovely, it wasn't them or their choice of banter, but I always struggled - I could never work out why. I have related on this here blog in detail before how I was surprised to fall more easily in with Shiona and Iris that New Year. But, this time, my friends interacted with me as a girl and... it was so much more natural for me to join in from that perspective. It was ribald, there was plenty of innuendo, but it was... it was easy to join in. No pressure, no worry, no stress on my part at all - apart from worrying if I ought to hand in my Feminism card - it was just... I have never ever felt anything other than accepted by my friends but I have never felt as comfortable in company as I did on the Friday and Saturday evenings in silly conversation.

Well, okay, on reflection - that's not entirely true. I have never felt as comfortable in the company of this group of friends as I did this entire weekend. In February it was the same feeling with Tim, Lisa, Shiona and Gary. That does not diminish the feeling on the weekend, by the way, but contextualises it further, I hope.

A selection of the terrain for the final ambush of our
campaign on the last morning of the event.

I suppose it was because I didn't feel the need to 'work' like I used to - there was no element of performativity in what I said or talked about or how I reacted to the usual innuendo and silly jokes. I just, well, I just had to be me. And it was amazing. We went to the wargaming event on Saturday and I absolutely loved it! Whereas I have previously felt on the edges, like it was all a bit too masculine (no, really), I didn't feel that at all. I was able to engage and join in, but as a girl I suppose. That's the change. Gary, Tim and Andrew didn't alter anything really, apart from using my name and pronouns (and thus some switching of the innuendoes to match) - they were (and I mean this entirely as a positive) the same as they have always been - it was I who changed and thus was able to fit in. Because I was me.

Pause a moment and read that sentence back again. Oh. Oh!

Bretonnians peering down the alleys to Killa Not
Filla, plotting their ambush in the final encounter.

At the event it was predominantly men, maybe ten women and two trans-femmes besides me out of around 150-160 people, meaning that the loo situation was mens and disabled. Which tickled me. There was a queue both times I went to the loo, I had wondered why the women were wandering around with books (they read them in the queue), and both times the occupant in the disabled was a bloke who'd gone in because the mens was full. Only on the first trip did I end up doing the wee-wee dance (the man in the disabled was having quite the fight with his bowels it appeared) and a bloke took pity and offered the mens whilst he stood watch (I was quick). It was... well, what I signed up for, I suppose. Strangely affirming (if slightly uncomfortable). It really did bring home how alien mens loos have always felt for me though, even moreso now. I really wasn't prepared for just how jarring it was to go in, if someone were to make the same offer again I would struggle to take them up on it! Oh, the man in the disabled left the same time as me, that's how I know.

Friday. My pinafore dress (one of them)
over a New Look blouse - it's how I cycled
to see my Eldest's dance (which was fab)
because my bike has a dropped cross-bar,
making it operable even though I was in a
dress!!!

The games? Oh, they were brilliant. We were playing a Mordheim campaign and I had brought an orc mob called Da Great Pillocks, led by Warboss Wazzock. He had a shaman (initially called Boss Drum, but replaced with Move Any Mountain after he died), a troll, two Bigguns (Ragnar and Waaaaagh-nar; but Waaaaagh-nar died and was replaced by Killa Not Filla) and some henchmen. They met their match in an ambush, where they all got knocked out and Wazzock was eaten by the troll after the encounter. I played my friends, some strangers, and got to use some absolutely amazing scenery whilst being blown away by the painting talent on offer across the board. Great atmosphere, lovely people. I am convinced there must have been a trans-masc somewhere at the event but I didn't clock anyone.

Andrew gave me a lift home and I helped with charge points in return for him paying for an all you can eat Chinese meal. It was a good journey, good conversation. Andrew was the first person I ever told IRL that I was having issues in my marriage, for the longest time he was the only person that knew IRL, and so it was a good conversation in the car. I had bandied around the terms trans-femme and trans-masc, which required explanation (I forget sometimes that just because I know a thing it does not mean other people know a thing), and then I received some wisdom on dating. At the Chinese place I spotted a fellow in a cool 'love is love' t-shirt and was able to compliment him as he passed, he leaned in: "Thank you," he began, "and blessings to you - I know what you're going through - no one else here has figured it out, but it is so rewarding and I support what you're doing!" Then he was gone. Was he also trans*? I would never have guessed.

This morning: washed hair, new lippy,
new mascara, new nails...

Today I was supposed to have started my job search. But I did not. I shaved my body hair (and felt sooo much cleaner for it), donned my new lippy for the first time, changed the orange nail varnish (finally, had meant to do that Friday morning - it did not match any of the clothes I wore on the weekend) and went for a wander out to IKEA for free tea. Then spent £3 on a veggie breakfast (I may have got used to breakfast rolls when away - bacon, sausage and egg with brown sauce) and inhaled that before wandering back, going shopping for bits and then awaiting Middlest to arrive for his evening of painting and, soon, Switch Sports.

It has been a warm day, I have finished reading Fine and it only made me properly cry at the end, but a good kind of crying (no full on sobs, just a quick tear). It did take me ages to get ready (shaving legs seems to eat about half an hour plus for me - it was such a relief today not having the hair, I shaved them last Wednesday, I maybe should have done them on Friday morning before the holiday!) and then I whiffled on what to wear to walk. Right, enough walls of text. A good weekend away, a positive experience with the bike, looks like I'm opening Chams on Thursday too - woot, responsibilities! Just got to work out the route...

Only Zuul

When someone offers you the chance to gain a month's pay at work in a couple of hours' work as an examiner you say: yes. And I did. Hence the radio silence - been busier at marking this last week and a half than beforehand. Also, extra shifts at work - took an emergency shift at another store on the Sunday (gaining much KUDOS with boss and boss's slightly more senior friend) and that was fun, but ill-rewarded financially (I lost an hour's pay for my tea and travel).

I find this an interesting comparison - much has changed 
between these two images. Not least the fact that I had 
just washed my hair in the more recent shot (the right). 
Then there's the foundation, the dress, the lack of teaching, 
the hand-bag, the smile...

Oh, roughly a year between the shots (27 July 2021 to 
1 August 2022)

On Monday I was in the local urban conurbation for likely the last time in a while - buses being the price they are and the fact I have not budgeted for travel means, well, it'll be the last time in a long while I go. However, I made the most of it whilst my car was in for the last service (and valet) before I don't have one. I dropped Eldest at a dance residential, which was nice to be able to do, and then I left the car at the garage and wandered in. I  bought some new books with some birthday money from my Mum and the left-over examining bits that I hadn't budgeted, then had an all-you-can-eat Chinese meal (which really was all I could eat - I was beaten before I ate the chicken balls! In my defence, I ate hot and sour soup, prawn crackers, ten vegetable rolls, prawn toast and some wontons; then beef in Szechuan sauce, beef and mushroom and beef in black-bean sauce over egg fried rice and noodles; then vegetables in various sauces over Singaporean noodles and chicken fried rice; then finished with some spicy options and chicken balls, which I did not eat). After that I bought some new mascara and blusher and lipstick (I know how to live) and had a mojitea at my favourite vegan gaming cafe, to say goodbye for now. Then I got the examining offer - which I said yes to, obviously.

Books bought whilst out.

Union have also been in touch. According to their investigation, they were not at fault (but of course) and believe that challenging the dismissal is likely not to be successful. Well, I mean, thanks. Then I drove home and did some marking for serious money. Tuesday was work, extra hours at the shop, then Middlest over in the evening.

Wednesday I met up with some ex-work colleagues and their children for a picnic - it was lovely. Obviously I still can't be trusted with Smallest, so Tilly was there too. It was nice though, I was given a bike (well, that only happened today physically, but the offer was made) and it's one with no cross-bar - the sort I lusted after as a child but rejected as they were 'girl's bikes' - well, I'm a girl, so I accepted and now I have a bike. Need to get a helmet and lights, and get it looked at, and inflate tyres, but it's a bike and I am looking forward to actually cycling around some of the paths I have been scoping out over the last year. I digress, Wednesday was really nice and really hot and sunny. Burned my shoulders (them being pasty white when I went out, should have expected it) making it the first sunburn since at least 1995 but I'll take that. Also got some ranch dressing from a friend I have made at work, which was nice, and it was labelled "Joanna" so I'll take that lovely simple hit of euphoria to the bank.

I let my hair down, I have a little drinkies...
Blouse because my shoulders are red.

Today was an early shift, to which I was late again (well, shift starts at 6, but we're expected to turn up at 5.40, I made it for 5.45) and then I was home and marking and then there was a Middlest. Tomorrow the car is picked up, had a call and it's going to be around 0930, and I have booked my bike in to be looked over at 1230. I shall buy me some lights and a helmet at the same time. Then the Eldest has a show, showing what she's been up to at the residential, and then I get picked up by Gary to go on an actual holiday. Hurrah! I shall have to pack, obviously, and pack light. I am looking forward to being less busy, certainly! Still, another day of marking ahead too, for which I shall be paid about two weeks' worth of pay at the shop. Get it in while I can!

Oh, also won a prize draw, I think I said, and the voucher has arrived in my grubby mitts! Huzzah.

Now I'm off to read Fine, a graphic novel about gender, having had a lovely Stinging Nettle and Honey gin after tea (which was chicken drumsticks and chips, at Middlest's request).